Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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