Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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