i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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