Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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