When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
