You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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