You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you had me at cake vodka
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
