yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
