kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
