OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dear god my vagina.
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