I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
