how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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