whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
