they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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