I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
