He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
