I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
