I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
