she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
