I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
