you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
