and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
