Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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