Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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