is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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