I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
