pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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