There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
