happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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