Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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