i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
