You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
