If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
