yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
