I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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