I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
