Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my being single is dangerous.
two words: eviction party
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
