yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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