He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
