Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
