so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
