i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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