he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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