I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
