If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
