u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
