Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
