oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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