Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
