**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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