Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
