is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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