im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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