He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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