If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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