Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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