In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
