plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
