Umm I'm too high to move.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
