Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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